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When you finally meet someone you utterly adore, you may find that you aren’t always of the exact same age. Whether you’re dating a younger male or an older one, it is possible that a shadow of doubt creeps in and threatens the foundation of your relationship. So if you’ve been wondering whether or not you fit together, ponder upon some of these considerations and use this guide to strengthen your relationship.

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Discuss each of your expectations

Having an honest discussion about what you expect from your partner is imperative. Whether one of you wants marriage while the other wishes to wait, discussing the elements at the start is a good way to start off on the right foot.

Your immediate goals may not align but you can work toward them together

If one of you is younger and wishes to take risks in their job, while the other seeks stability, it would be unfair to expect your lover to cater to either of these demands. You must each feel comfortable enough to work on your individual goals with the support of your partner within the relationship. In areas such as one partner wanting children before the other, you must resolve to discuss the matter and come to a compromise.

Acknowledge your differences

Many believe that having things in common and mutual interests is key to a long and healthy partnership. However, this isn’t always the case for you needn’t always like all the same things. Whether you have mutual friends, grew up in the same neighborhood or even met as strangers who like each other; the critical element is knowing and acknowledging your differences. Leave some room in the relationship for diverse habits, hobbies and interests that each of you can ignite in the other.

Remember that having very little in common doesn’t necessarily spell disaster for your union. As long as you respect and care for each other, you should be able to build a steady partnership.

Back in 1990s, dating was not socially accepted in India. Look at the popular Bollywood movies of that era — Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayege, Hum Aapke Hai Kaun, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam — All are stories of repressed love. Every single one of my undergraduate friends had an arranged marriage. Not a single one of them had any serious relationship before they got married.

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2000s saw the beginning of the cell phone era. When I was in college, only one person had a cell phone and it was huge and ugly.

By the time my brother, who is six year younger than me, entered college, everyone had Nokia flip phones. Kids also had access to social networking sites like Orkut. Indian boys and girls, who grew up learning to suppress their natural instincts and hormones, suddenly found that the barrier of entry into the world of dating was significantly lowered. Cell phones and Orkut made flirting easy and discreet. It is no surprise that most of my brother’s friends from undergrad had a love marriage.

As dating was relatively a new trend in India, most of these kids kept it a secret. The fear of persecution still prevailed. A large fraction of my friends from this generation only had a platonic relationship which never went any further than the first base. Most kids only had one partner, who in many cases, they ended up marrying.

It is very hard for me to believe that so many of these kids managed to find a great match for themselves in the first attempt, that too when they were teenagers. A more likely explanation is that these kids simply did not think they had the option of breaking up. Breakups did happen and the most common reason for breakups was parental opposition.

This is the era of iPhone, Facebook, WhatsApp and Tinder. Dating has become more acceptable in the society. Maybe even required.

Several kids from this generation seem to be dating simply due to peer pressure and to look cool. Since it is very easy to always stay in touch, people want their partners to always stay in touch. Relationships are not given the due time to build. People go from strangers to lovers very very fast these days. Thus, relationships break up just as fast. With the surge of hormones and societal pressures, hiding behind the veil of technology, people find no guilt in leading others on. The also find no guilt in breaking up when a better avenue appears or when the relationship becomes inconvenient for them.

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Breakups are hard — I have seen a lot of my friends go through a phase of mourning after breakup. I totally understand people getting heartbroken due to breakup from a long term relationship. However, I think that spending a year mourning the breakup of a three month old relationship is unhealthy.

From not dating at all in 1990s, India has moved very fast into an era where dating is stressful and almost like a job. I have only been in one relationship in my life. Thus, I have no real credentials to give dating advice to anyone. However, I have completed a decade of happy marriage. It has to count for something. Also, I have been a good friend to a lot of younger people and I have learnt from their experiences. So, here I go…

No two people can be perfectly compatible and every relationship needs work. Do not give up without giving your relationship a fair chance. On the flip side, do not keep clinging to a wrong partner either. There needs to be a healthy balance of how much effort you put into a relationship and when you decide to break things off.

Do not put your relationship or your partner on a pedestal too soon. Everything looks rosy in the early stages of the relationship but know that no one is perfect. It takes time to get to really know a person. Guard yourself in early stages of the relationship and let the foundation of trust and understanding slowly build before you dive all in.

Say what you mean. Do not lead people on. Many well intentioned people do it in the flow of emotions and hormones only to turn back on their words and break someone’s heart, often without even realizing it.

When someone breaks up with you, do not expect them to give you the closure. No matter what you might have done for them, do not expect them to reciprocate. You need to move on by finding comfort with other friends and family. You need to know that something better will come along. You need to know that being single is better than being with the wrong person.

I know that all this is easier said than done. However, I believe that a slight shift in the mindset and approach can make dating and relationships a lot more fun.

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